Genovese flaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrggghhyawn – I am so bored with pizza flavored anything I can’t even be bothered to fini

Not the name of a dark and lurid x-rated  version of Strawberry Shortcake involving her pet but half as dirty. I dunno, these products always bring to mind waste management. It’s like they had all these extra little bits lying around after producing a regular batch of KKs and someone suggested they scoop all the scraps up off the floor, re-package them and sell them as bite sized chunks to kids. So appetizing.

Stand the fuck back, shit just got real. So intense you don’t even need to invite people to your party to have a party, know what I’m saying? I’m surprised it isn’t also marinating in thin gruel of beer for that extra touch of class.

Very rare to see packaging with images of your lower intestine two hours after eating the product – kind of like those gruesome photos on cigarette packaging where they show what your lungs look like after 10 years of smoking – oh wait that’s a pizza and these are – oh I get it! Mmm mouthwatering…

Kit Kat flavors know no bounds. It seems as if they don’t follow their own advice about taking a break though, sheesh, it’s difficult to keep up.

Man is the flavor department at Haagen-Dazs HQ just phoning in these flavors now? Still pretty good though. I’m sensing a trend with chocolate and “insert fruit here” flavors. Lazy and mediocre but that’s what sells I guess. Hand me a spoon would ya?

It’s really hard to tell, with this cutesy packaging wrapped around a sugar coma inducing “coffee drink”, exactly who Lotte is going after – the “kid inside us all” demographic or the “kid who needs coffee after a hard day at the kindergarten” demographic.

Probably both – which is insane if it’s true.

Hey! Let’s add coffee to a sugar drink for kids cos that’ll be healthy and productive…

I hope that bear is knitting me a barf bag.

No matter how many times I try to spell the name of this faux Scandinavian luxury Ice Cream from memory I always mess it up.

I just don’t care about this particular flavor at all, some part of me is doing a forced “whooh yeah” and a halfhearted fist pump in the air but the rest of me is not.

All I can imagine encountering within the good old mouthwatering red and gold packaging is that deep seated cognitive disconnect that comes from eating strawberry flavored anything that  tastes nothing like real strawberries in anyway whatsoever.

And yes banana flavored anything, I’m looking through ninja eyes at you too.

Calling this ice-cream is like calling Budwieser beer. It fools you long enough to get half way through and then your whole mouth rebels and reaches around to slap you out of your sugar stup0r. But you’ll finish it – and hope no one sees you doing it.

Mentos continues to freshen your breath with anything but mint. Very clever marketing in my opinion; now you can flavor co-ordinate your mento + diet cherry cola bomb. What a world of choice we live in eh?

(Think that’s a spelling typo back there? Mento? Well it’s not. Mento is singular for Mentos – you’ve just been schooled son.)

Mmmm…  you know what I’m in the mood for?  A  good clam chowder, but crunchy – you know what I mean? Crunchy and dry and preferably in the form of potato chips but … you know clam chowder… is that even possi—weeeelll heelloo! My short term near sighted self indulgent impulse driven prayers have been answered!

According to potatopro.com – The Jagabee snacks are a formed potato stick sold in a cup and designed to fit a car cup holder. Ideal for those long lonely grey drives through the urban wilderness to which you might want to add a touch of class and color – purple to be exact. It also has herbs. And it can fit in a car cup holder – giving you minutes of lap free snacking convenience – if you are driving. The concept of anything made out of “formed potato” really makes my mouth water.

As chemical technologies increase so do the capabilities of companies to come up with more sophisticated flavors for potato chips. A pinnacle of human achievement really.

Not be outdone by rivals - another competitor joins the fray.

Rayu is gaining momentum with many food producers as a potato chip flavor.

Rayu meet bandwagon, bandwagon meet Rayu.

Oh and please, please keep Kit Kat off this particular ride. Thanks.

Kudos to General Mills for making what has to be the most oblique Halloween product ever. What restraint it must have taken to keep an image of a Jack ‘O Lantern and bats, and the words “happy” and “halloween” off the label.

Stay classy, fictional faux Scandinavian you.

Perfect for breakfast — the risk of getting a painful squirt of GFJ in the eye has been greatly diminished too.

Since Japan is one of the top 3 seafood consumers in the world (after China and ahead of the US) seafood snacks abound. At least it’s not whale or dolphin flavor… yet.

This may be the first true evidence of the existence of god — or at least a god. Even if it is an overworked salaryman assigned to product marketing (despite his major at universty being English Literature) or a stoned food scientist heady on fumes from his flasks, whoever actually pushed this idea through the myriad meetings and meetings about meetings to actual production and distribution deserves, if not outright worship, at least a medal of some kind — covered in chocolate of course.

This one had me worried after  my recent experience with the abysmal rare cheese and orange abomination linked a while back but this comes out a bit more like cheese cake and doesn’t make me want to tear out my olfactory system and nuke downtown Tokyo from orbit.

Let’s all breathe a sigh of relief.

How do we go about selling our over run of Cafe au Lait flavor? We are stuck with 40 000 liters of the stuff! Hey why don’t we just throw in some of the excess from the bland caramel syrup we have been using recently and re-package it as Caramel Macchiato, they won’t know the difference.

Wipes tear from eye.

You are a… GENIUS!

/sarcasm